Merry Christmas, Darling
by Carebearmaxi
Summary: It's Christmas time but Harvey's wife and child are in the hospital gravely ill. Harvey is in despair and wished he had never been born. Suddenly an angel in the guise of Mike Ross shows Harvey what a world without him would be like. Based on "It's A Wonderful Life" one of my all time favorite films.
1. Chapter 1

Merry Christmas, Darling

Harvey Specter, husband and father, stood at the window of his spacious office miles above the meanest city traffic. He stood with his familiar expensive scotch in his hand. From his point of view he could see the twinkling lights of the city. There seemed to be more of them at this time of year than normal as Christmas was coming. He still had no idea how it happened. One minute he was a happily married husband and loving father who enjoyed every moment with his daughter and watching her grow from the tiniest helpless baby to a little person with her very own personality, and the next he was bereft of them both.

Harvey took a sip of his scotch and then walked away from the window and stared at the amber liquid in the glass. He put it down on his glass coffee table, undid his tie, and sat back down at his computer to finish the brief he started. He had simply started to type when his solitude and sudden loneliness had gotten the best of his soul. He moved his computer back from the edge of his desk, laid his head down and started to weep. His wife, Donna, and their 9 month old daughter, Amanda lay in the hospital fighting for their lives.

"Hey Harvey," said Mike Ross, Harvey's other best friend (the first was his wife, Donna) in the world, from the doorway to Harvey's office.

"Oh, Mike," Harvey's head quickly came up and he eyed his friend.

"What are you doing here?" Mike came over and sat down next to his friend and mentor and patted his shoulder in a comforting gesture. Mike could see how much Harvey was hurting. His friend was normally all wrapped in case files this time of night dictating to his wife what needed to be done and listening to complaints from that said beloved wife and secretary that Amanda had to be put to bed.

"You know I needed a break. I couldn't sit there any more listening to the machines. I sat with Donna for an hour and then I sat with Amanda for about an hour until the nurse came to kick me out. They said they would call me if there was any change in either of them." Harvey looked at Mike. His jaw was clenched so hard that Mike was afraid that Harvey would grind his teeth to nothing.

"So I suppose you've heard nothing yet." Mike said. "Is anybody with them?"

"Donna's sister, Julia, said she would wait until I could come back. Mrs. Paulsen is in the pediatric wing with Amanda. They both said they would call me…." Harvey laid his head back down on his crossed arms in defeat.

"What did the doctors say?"

Harvey raised his head up enough for him to spot Mike looking at him with a big blue somber stare.

"He said if it had just been the car accident then he wouldn't worry too much, but on top of it, Mandy caught pneumonia and Donna has some type of kidney infection. Mandy is allergic to antibiotics so they are giving her steroids which has bloated her up but not taken away the infection. She was blue, Mike! My little girl was blue! Oh, it gets better, Mike," Harvey stated loudly rising to his full six foot height and backing his chair away from his desk so hard that it Mike would not have been surprised had it gone through the 50th floor window behind Harvey.

" Then I find out that Donna is six weeks pregnant and cannot have any medication which would endanger the pregnancy. So they put her on full dialysis to see if that doesn't help. In the meantime they hope to save the baby and my wife." Harvey ran an impatient hand through his hair, took his glass of scotch and hurled it at his beloved record collection.

"Harvey!" Mike exclaimed trying to get Harvey calm down a little. It was around 7:00 pm in the evening. There were still people milling about Pearson Specter Litt but not many it being too near the holidays for people to remain dedicated to their life's work.

Harvey walked to his couch and hung his head.

"How did life get so complicated?"

"This is life, Harvey," Mike said coming to join his friend on the cushiony couch beside him.

"I think this is why I never wanted any of this in the first place. A wife and a child, what was I thinking?" Harvey said solemnly

"You were thinking with your heart and allowing yourself to feel. That IS the secret of life. Possessions, work, and fleeting acquaintances are not life. I know you felt a thrill at that pace. I had felt it too to some extent before you gave me the chance to change my life. Tell me, Harvey. If you could go back to the way your life was before you married Donna and had your daughter, would you change it back?"

"Right now, I'm wishing I was never born."


	2. Chapter 2

Merry Christmas, Darling

Harvey Specter, husband and father, stood at the window of his spacious office miles above the meanest city traffic. He stood with his familiar expensive scotch in his hand. From his point of view he could see the twinkling lights of the city. There seemed to be more of them at this time of year than normal as Christmas was coming. He still had no idea how it happened. One minute he was a happily married husband and loving father who enjoyed every moment with his daughter and watching her grow from the tiniest helpless baby to a little person with her very own personality, and the next he was bereft of them both.

Harvey took a sip of his scotch and then walked away from the window and stared at the amber liquid in the glass. He put it down on his glass coffee table, undid his tie, and sat back down at his computer to finish the brief he started. He had simply started to type when his solitude and sudden loneliness had gotten the best of his soul. He moved his computer back from the edge of his desk, laid his head down and started to weep. His wife, Donna, and their 9 month old daughter, Amanda lay in the hospital fighting for their lives.

"Hey Harvey," said Mike Ross, Harvey's other best friend (the first was his wife, Donna) in the world, from the doorway to Harvey's office.

"Oh, Mike," Harvey's head quickly came up and he eyed his friend.

"What are you doing here?" Mike came over and sat down next to his friend and mentor and patted his shoulder in a comforting gesture. Mike could see how much Harvey was hurting. His friend was normally all wrapped in case files this time of night dictating to his wife what needed to be done and listening to complaints from that said beloved wife and secretary that Amanda had to be put to bed.

"You know I needed a break. I couldn't sit there any more listening to the machines. I sat with Donna for an hour and then I sat with Amanda for about an hour until the nurse came to kick me out. They said they would call me if there was any change in either of them." Harvey looked at Mike. His jaw was clenched so hard that Mike was afraid that Harvey would grind his teeth to nothing.

"So I suppose you've heard nothing yet." Mike said. "Is anybody with them?"

"Donna's sister, Julia, said she would wait until I could come back. Mrs. Paulsen is in the pediatric wing with Amanda. They both said they would call me…." Harvey laid his head back down on his crossed arms in defeat.

"What did the doctors say?"

Harvey raised his head up enough for him to spot Mike looking at him with a big blue somber stare.

"He said if it had just been the car accident then he wouldn't worry too much, but on top of it, Mandy caught pneumonia and Donna has some type of kidney infection. Mandy is allergic to antibiotics so they are giving her steroids which has bloated her up but not taken away the infection. She was blue, Mike! My little girl was blue! Oh, it gets better, Mike," Harvey stated loudly rising to his full six foot height and backing his chair away from his desk so hard that it Mike would not have been surprised had it gone through the 50th floor window behind Harvey.

" Then I find out that Donna is six weeks pregnant and cannot have any medication which would endanger the pregnancy. So they put her on full dialysis to see if that doesn't help. In the meantime they hope to save the baby and my wife." Harvey ran an impatient hand through his hair, took his glass of scotch and hurled it at his beloved record collection.

"Harvey!" Mike exclaimed trying to get Harvey calm down a little. It was around 7:00 pm in the evening. There were still people milling about Pearson Specter Litt but not many it being too near the holidays for people to remain dedicated to their life's work.

Harvey walked to his couch and hung his head.

"How did life get so complicated?"

"This is life, Harvey," Mike said coming to join his friend on the cushiony couch beside him.

"I think this is why I never wanted any of this in the first place. A wife and a child, what was I thinking?" Harvey said solemnly

"You were thinking with your heart and allowing yourself to feel. That IS the secret of life. Possessions, work, and fleeting acquaintances are not life. I know you felt a thrill at that pace. I had felt it too to some extent before you gave me the chance to change my life. Tell me, Harvey. If you could go back to the way your life was before you married Donna and had your daughter, would you change it back?"

"Right now, I'm wishing I was never born."

CHAPTER ONE

"I'm cold," Harvey Specter said aloud from his couch in his plush office on the 50th floor. Suddenly, Jessica Pearson, managing partner of the firm which bore both her and his name walked straight to Harvey's desk and proceeded to sit behind it and make herself comfortable.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't expect to see anyone in here at this hour," Jessica said to Harvey.

"Well, this is my office, Jessica. I'm just surprised to find you here at this hour. Didn't you say you had a date with Malone?"

The tall black woman suddenly stood to her full height and looked at Harvey with a stern expression.

"I'm sorry, but do I know you?"

"Of course, you know me, Jessica. I'm your partner. I'm the Specter of PearsonSpecter Litt." Harvey said smiling and feeling kind of light on his feet whereas ten minutes ago he was agonizing over the health of his wife and child.

"I do not know what you're talking about or who you are. You must have the wrong floor. This is Pearson Hardman and Litt," Jessica stated resolutely. "I'm sorry, but if you do not leave, I will call security to throw you out."

"Really, Jessica, this is how you want to treat me when you know that Donna…"

"Donna Paulsen?"

"Yes, Jessica, she's my secretary and my wife now. We work here except that right now, Donna is in the hospital, but you do know about the car accident my wife and baby were in?"

"I'm sorry, sir, about your wife and baby. However, if you are looking for a lawyer come back tomorrow with an appointment and I will have reception point you to the correct floor. We are corporate litigators here on this floor, not civil suits."

"Jessica, I'm a lawyer. As a matter of fact, I'm the best damn closer Manhattan has ever seen. Don't you remember me? " Harvey started for Jessica but she backed away and then walked to the glass door and held it open for him to pass through

"Get out."

"Ok. I'll come back tomorrow. I should go to the hospital anyway and check on Donna and Amanda." As Harvey passed through to the door he glanced behind him and saw the name etched on the glass was Jessica Pearson Senior Partner NOT Harvey Specter Senior Partner.

Harvey shook his head and then left what he still presumed to be his office.

Harvey went into the December night. The lights were twinkling above and he could spot the red and green lights of the holiday sparsely speckled between the harsh skyscraper lights. He looked above and when he walked through a darkened area he could spot the starlight. He suddenly remembered how much Donna loved the view from their city condo where they could lie in bed together and just look straight up through the glass roof and see the stars.

"The sky is so beautiful at night. I sometimes forget that if you look real hard you can still see the stars," Donna had said to him one night lying in bed together. She had been suffering from a cold she had caught from one of the teachers at the daycare center adjacent to Pearson Specter. Harvey comforted her by holding her in his arms.

"I think the sky is so much harder to see here. I don't usually think about it unless were at the house in West Chester," Harvey had whispered back to her in a desultory tone. He relaxed and allowed himself to love holding Donna in his arms and knowing that their little cherub lie in the next room healthy and sound asleep.

West Chester House was the suburban location they moved to almost every weekend. That was where they spent most of their vacations since having little Amanda. She had been a delicate baby being premature and even when she came home they did not want to be too far from her doctors. She was now nine months old and getting bigger all the time. Harvey's thoughts wandered from the stars to how his daughter and wife were faring. He picked up his cell to summon Ray when he caught a familiar face walking up the street to him.

"Don't try it, Harvey," Mike Ross said taking the cell phone out of his friend's hands.

"Why?" Harvey said clenching his jaw and wondering why Mike was acting so strangely.

"They won't be there."

"Ray? He's worked for me for twelve years now. Of course, he's there. He has never let me down," Harvey vehemently told Mike.

"Ray Gutierrez? He never worked for you. He is still a struggling immigrant with a large family. "

"Mike? That's not possible. I provided college funds for all his children. The last one should graduate high school in about two years if I estimated correctly."

"He and his children have odd jobs around the city. His oldest is married herself and living with them because her husband died in street gang warfare."

"Nina? She's 25 and working as a nurse at St. Vincent's where Donna and Amanda are. Ok, I'll hail a cab if you think you know it all, Mike."

"You can call me, Mike, if it makes you feel better. My real name is Clarence and I have come to show you what the world would have been like if you had never been born."

CHAPTER 2

Harvey stared at his so-called friend.

"What?"

"You heard me."

Suddenly a cab appeared before them.

"Get into this cab with me and I will show you what would have happened to the world without Harvey Specter."

"I'm not going anywhere with you. You are going home to Rachel and I'm going to the hospital to see Donna and Mandy."

They both got into the cab and the driver without a word spoken from anyone went into the direction of Brooklyn where Mike Ross had lived before he began living with Rachel Zane in another part of Manhattan.

The cabbie stopped. Clarence (Mike) had told Harvey to get out of the cab because he needed to see something. Harvey followed orders but was starting to worry that everyone had gone off their rockers except himself.

_World where I was never born? What the hell does that mean? Of course, I've been born. I can pinch myself and my shoulder which I damaged pitching baseball….is not bothering me like it usually does this time of night. What is going on?_ Harvey wondered thinking to himself.

"Harvey, go up to the second floor. You know which apartment and knock on the door."

"Why, you don't live here anymore. You live with Rachel now. Who's going to be there?"

"Just do what I tell you, ok?"

Harvey said resignedly, "Ok."

Harvey knocked on the green door in front of him and looked around for Mike. Mike was nowhere to be found. _Of course not_, Harvey thought because for some strange reason Mike would answer the door and say he was playing a joke on him to take his mind off his wife and child.

The door opened and Harvey could smell the stench of marijuana. Harvey was not a hypocrite and once in a blue moon he had partaken of the weed but once the scent was in your nostrils one did not forget it.

"Trevor?"

"Yeah, who are you?"

"Harvey Specter. You almost ruined my career along with your supposed best friend Mike Ross. What are you doing here?"

"Mike Ross. You know Mikey?"

"Of course I do. I saved him from becoming a doormat for you and your illegal business. Whew! When was the last time you fumigated this place. I could have gotten high before you opened the door. " Harvey said as he started to step over the threshold.

"Mike," Harvey called. "Game over. I have to make it back to the hospital. Let me call Ray and he can get you back to Rachel."

"Mike's not here, man," Trevor said placing a restraining hand on Harvey's chest.

"Then where is he?"

"He's in jail serving twenty years for possession and trafficking of 15 lbs of weed."

Harvey's face blanched. Mike was carrying about that much weed when he stepped accidentally into the interview room at The Ritz when Harvey was looking for an associate a few years ago after being made senior partner.

"No, that couldn't be. He came into the Ritz a few years ago carrying some MaryJane for a dropoff he was doing for you when I hired him to be my associate. He's been getting back on his feet and lives with my current associate Rachel Zane in upper Central Park West."

Trevor laughed. "Yeah that was Mike all right but he nor his grandmother could afford a good schister lawyer to get him off, so he's been serving the last four years. He's got a helluva a lot more time to go before he'll be free," Trevor said amusedly.

Harvey said," You son of a bitch." Harvey punched Trevor in the nose.

"I have been wanting to do that for a long time."

Harvey began to walk away and then turned around briefly to a Trevor holding a bloody nose.

"One thing. What happened to his grandmother?"

"She died two months after Mike went in. He couldn't afford the facility anymore and they moved her into a state run facility where she died in her sleep two months after Mike went to prison."

Harvey closed his eyes and hung his head. Grabbing the doorknob he turned back one more time to Trevor and said, 'I don't know what's going on tonight but I know Grandmom Ross died in a good facility because our firm represented it and I had to put a stop to the Nurses' Union rebellion there. She died right before Mike was going to move her into her own apartment which is he now lives with Rachel."

After exiting the building Harvey spotted Mike at the corner of the street.

"Mike, what the hell was all that about?" Harvey asked sternly.

"I told you. I'm not Mike but if you want to call me that fine. I want to warn you though that there are a few things you still need to see before you can go back."

"Go back to what?"

"Go back to where you exist in the world."

"Look, Mike, Clarence or then angel Gabriel. I don't know what you've been smoking, but I do not appreciate this little game you're playing with me."

"It's not a game, Harve. Get in the cab."

Harvey stared at Mike/Clarence and did as he was told.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – Back Home

Harvey sat in the cab next to this person whom he thought was his friend and associate, Michael Ross. However, the more he stared at him the more Harvey was convinced that this friend was not really his friend and was playing a trick on him.

"Where are we going now…. Clarence?" Harvey asked sarcastically dragging the name of his companion out last.

"Well, there is something you need to see."

"Well, how far is it. I need to check on Donna and Amanda."

"Harvey, how many times do I have to explain it to you? Donna and Amanda are not in trouble."

"Then why can't I see them? They were fighting for their lives when I had to leave. You know I can't leave my wife and child to go on a wild goose chase with you? Wait a minute? Are Rachel and you having problems again?"

Mike/Clarence turned his head to look into Harvey's excited gaze. He clapped him on the shoulder and stated in no uncertain terms.

"Calm down, Harvey. You will see Donna in time. Right now you need to see this," Clarence said as he pointed out the window.

The cab stood at the front of a cemetery gate with wrought iron bars.

"This is where my dad's buried." Harvey stated in amazement.

"What are we doing here? I've no reason to be here."

"Ah, yes, we do. Come on," Clarence said kindly enough.

Every anniversary of his father's death for the last seven and half years, Harvey took the train and visited his father's grave. He would take a bottle of scotch for the old caretaker and a bottle that he would proverbially share with his father. Harvey had not been there since before his wedding to Donna a year and a half ago. He could not think why Mike/Clarence, whomever, would have him driven all the way out here just to see his father's grave.

Mysteriously the gates opened and Harvey swiftly walked leading the way to his father's headstone. However, sitting adjacent to his father's headstone was one marked "Marcus Anthony Specter" and the years of his birth and death.

"Is this some type of joke? My brother is alive and well with his family in Boston! I just talked to him yesterday and told him about Donna and the baby."

"You couldn't have talked to him because he died about 15 years ago. Your father was on tour and had been unable to be contacted. Your mother was off with one of her lovers and left no forwarding information. When Boston College medical personnel could not find a responsible person for his medical bills they were required to take him to the local state facility. He died there three days after admittance with bacterial meningitis. The doctors couldn't get the drugs in time necessary to keep him from getting worse. He had no money to pay them, so he was considered last on the list of priorities. "

Harvey strode forcefully up to Mike/Clarence. He put his hand on either upper hand and began to shake him violently.

"I paid for my brother's medical bills when he was sick. He was in the best facility in Boston. I made sure of it. My dad was on tour but he came to be with us as soon as he could. My mother offered to help but I insisted that we didn't need her help, so she backed off. Marcus graduated Magna Cum Laude from Boston College with a degree in Finance. He's a stockbroker with Smith Barney.

"I told you. You weren't here to pay for your brother's bills, so he didn't get the care he deserved. So, I'm sorry. He died."

Suddenly Harvey was alone in the cemetery. The night seemed to grow darker and he wondered what time it was. He looked around him and his "angel" had deserted him.

Harvey shook his head and thought: _This has got to be a dream_ . _Now how the hell am I supposed to get back to Manhattan. Well, I could take the train I suppose. _

Harvey looked at his watch and it said 8:30. The sky was dark and the world was-silent. Harvey shook his Cartier jeweled watch. He put it to his ear. _Damn! How does a $300 watch stop?_

"It didn't stop," said a familiar female voice. "You don't exist, therefore, you don't need a watch to tell time."

Harvey looked up and could not believe his eyes. "Scottie?"

"Not really. I may look like her to make the last couple of visits easier, but I am not her."

"Ok, I'll play along. What happened to Scottie? The last time we spoke she was going to the west coast for a job with a more reputable firm." Harvey stated as they began to walk to the exit of the cemetery. Harvey sat down on a bench just outside the cemetery gates. He rubbed his eyes and felt tired and cold. He still did not feel as burdened as he had back in his office when he was worried about Donna and Amanda. _Am I that much a bastard that I don't care anymore? Nonsense. I love them very much. I am worried about them. Why am I wasting my time? _

"You're not wasting your time, Harve. You said you wished you had never been born. So you have been given the gift of seeing what would have happened to those you care about if you had never existed."

"How did you know that was what I was thinking way back in my office? You weren't even there."

"I was there. I'm an angel. I come in many forms especially when we come to comfort someone."

"Then tell me, Scottie, the angel. What did happen to Dana Scott since I never existed? We did try to be involved. I had wanted to…oh well…that's too complicated for now. You probably know anyway."

"Yes, I do know. Scottie married that Englishman who proposed to her. She's not happy and she's not NOT happy. She's complacent. She has her career. She's a top lawyer in a top firm in England with ties to the US. She's never had a child. Something that she really wanted, but it's not happened."

Harvey hung his head and thought how he should really be back in Manhattan and check in at the hospital. Harvey was concerned. What then happened to Donna?

"Scottie, Angel, or whomever," Harvey panicked which Harvey never did (at least not outwardly). "What happened to Donna? Jessica questioned her name when I mentioned her. What happened to my wife?"

Scottie the angel took Harvey's hand in hers and looking deeply into his warm brown eyes and said, "You're not going to like it Harvey. Let's just say that she's in a place you would never think to find her."

"Please. I need to find her."

"Remember, you can't do anything. She won't know you."

"Ok. I just want to see. Thank you."


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4 – Donna

Harvey and angel Scottie found themselves in a smoky, low class nightclub. It could be termed as a speakeasy if it were the 1920's and during Prohibition. Harvey did not quite know how they were able to gain admittance especially when it looked like an all-male club and he had a pretty girl on his arm.

"What are we doing here?"

"Just get a scotch and you'll see."

"Donna is here?"

"Yes. I told you that you wouldn't like it."

Harvey just sat down at the bar and looked at the bartender. He looked remarkably like Ray his limousine driver.

"Ray?"

"Yes. Do I know you?"

"Harvey…" then realizing that he really _didn't_ exist in this world. He then changed tactics and said instead,"No, but I know of you. Someone told me that you were a really nice guy."

"Well, I don't know who told you that, but if you want a drink just order. I don't need the sweet talk."

"Scotch…neat."

Ray grabbed the bottle and a round heavy bottomed glass and poured the amber liquid into the glass to about half full. Harvey went to lay the money down on the bar and found he had had none in his wallet. Well, he had no wallet either. Luckily the angel Scottie had had some divine intervention and placed the money on the bar.

"Thank you," he said raising his glass with a hint of his devilish charming smile he once used to charm women into his bed when he was still chasing skirts.

An announcer went to the tiny stage that sat in the front of the small club. The stage, if one could call it that being no more than a raised floor, was decorated with Christmas Garland and twinkling lights aiming to look festive, but to Harvey's eyes it just looked pathetic.

A small round man with beady eyes and an overtly dark five o-clock shadowe took the stage. He was dressed in a white jacket with a large red and green boutonniere to add to the festive holiday colors.

"As owner of this establishment it is my pleasure to give you a Christmas treat. Here they are Santa's Elves."

Harvey's eyes widened at the women that were scantily clad in red and green elfish outfits. They both had way too much makeup on for his liking. One was smaller and dark complected and had dark hair the other was breathtaking in a way. She was tall and possessed fiery red hair. She looked sad somehow, though, and her friend did not look much happier.

"Donna….Rachel?" Harvey said aloud astonished.

Donna started to sing "Santa Baby" in an affected Brooklyn accent. She was dressed in nothing but a red satin push up bra green thong with long green stockings and red four inch pumps. She had a Santa hat perched on her teased red hair. Her makeup was dramatic for the stage and she was gracefully and provocatively sliding up and down on a stripper's pole as she sang for the audience. The men could not have heard much because they were too busy trying to get close to her to put money in her thong and get a cheap touch of her. Harvey about crawled under the table to get to Donna to protect her when Angel Scottie put a restraining hand up.

"Donna played Portia in Shakespeare's play a couple of years ago. She's the best damn legal secretary in the world. She didn't need to do this," Harvey shouted in Angel Scottie's ear.

Then Harvey looked at Rachel and Scottie turned into Mike/Clarence again with the same restraining hand on his chest.

"Mike! What happened to Rachel? She was on her way to becoming a lawyer. She was my associate as well as you. Don't you see what's happening to her up there? Do you want the men to ogle her and touch your fiancée? I know I don't want them touching my wife anymore that's for sure." Harvey broke away from the restraining hand and made his way to the stage and taking his jacket put it around Donna and gathered Rachel in his other arm and took them offstage.

The owner had jumped to the stage and started after Harvey because he was losing tonight's entertainment. The owner pulled on Harvey's shoulder to which Harvey responded by punching the owner in his nose.

"Sue me, you son of a bitch. I know these women."

"My lawyer will call you in the morning. I know my rights. I have a license to run my joint any way I want."

Harvey was furious. He was not backing down on this one.

"How about I permanently take out your rights, huh?" He challenged the round man still lying on the floor with a bloody nose and a black eye.

Mike came onto the stage to separate Harvey from the owner before anything else happened. Mike shooed everyone backstage and out the door.

"Harvey, we told you. You were not going to like this."

"Yeah, well there's been a lot of stuff that I haven't liked this evening. So's what's one more."

Turning to Donna and Rachel he said," I want to know why you girls were in that joint."

Donna whose mascara had run because she had been crying for the umpteenth time took off Harvey's jacket and standing out in the December air in only her stripper outfit said, "What makes you think we're going anywhere with you? You just lost our jobs for us, mistah. I don't know who you think you are Boy Scout, but we were doing just fine until you got here."

Rachel was a little more subdued. Harvey could tell she was glad that someone had stood up to the abusive owner.

"Donna, keep your mouth shut for once," Rachel said standing to her full 5'3" height. Donna still had four inches on her friend but decided that maybe she should shut up.

Donna took back Harvey's coat and said, "Hey gorgeous why don't ya take us two ladies to a real nice joint and spare us a drink or two. We'll tell ya our story if ya are that much interested."

Mike/Clarence shrugged his approval and all four people stepped into the same cab which always seemed to appear in the nick of time.

The cab led them back to the offices of PearsonSpecter Litt..no Pearson Hardman Litt as the letters on the wall reflected. Harvey again started thinking: _how the hell did Hardman get to stick around after what he did and how the hell was Louis ever promoted?_ Louis was a friend and rival. It seemed to Harvey that his nonexistence was all Louis needed to hike up the ranks.

Harvey looked at the clock on the wall and it still said 8:30 pm. They walked to what Harvey thought was still his office. When they entered the office, Jessica was, fortunately, nowhere to be found and on the door her name was still etched in the glass where Harvey's name usually was. He just shook his head and thought that this nightmare had better end soon. He was not feeling well.

Harvey turned on the lamp beside the couch. He sat on one of the end chairs. The two women sat on the couch and Mike sat on the other chair opposite to Harvey.

"Now, somebody tell me what the hell is going on here," Harvey commanded.

"Well…" Mike/Clarence started.

"Let me tell gorgeous over here, will ya…" said Donna still in her affected Brooklyn accent.

"Donna." Harvey said.

"What?"

"You're from Connecticut and you don't really speak like that. You can cut the act. You used to work here. You did, too, Rachel. You were my associate…well actually you were the best paralegal that money could buy before you started law school."

"Law school?" Rachel retorted without any affectations in speech or other. She seemed to shrink into Mike/Clarence's jacket as she held it tight to her scantily clad body. She was dressed the same as Donna but the opposite way: green satin bra with red thong and stockings and green pumps.

Rachel continued: "I never took the LSATs again. I stayed here as long as I could but when Louis was made partner he made my life a living hell, so I quit."

Mike continued for Rachel as she started to cry.

"Louis really liked Rachel and wanted her to be his lady because they had a lot in common like the ballet and the law. However, when he became name partner about a year ago his ego swelled and he stalked Rachel and attacked her."

"Louis?"

"Well, Harvey, you weren't here to influence him. Louis always thought he was best and apparently his self-esteem took a huge jump and his moral compass took a huge plunge."

Donna put an arm around Rachel and squeezed her.

"Your turn, Red, why were you stripping…?"

"I was not stripping. I was dancing and acting," Donna said indignantly the speech pattern that Harvey remembered and loved. _There she is my Donna_ he thought.

"What happened?" Harvey asked restraining the impulse himself from pushing Rachel aside and taking Donna into his arms and holding her tight. The last time he had seen the woman he loved she was hooked up to IV's and a blood pressure cuff and finger pulse reader. He wanted to kiss her until both their lips were swollen.

Donna looked at Harvey and her voice softened as she looked into Harvey's kind eyes.

"I was a legal secretary. My boss was Jessica Pearson. Unfortunately, I got fired because I shredded evidence that would have cleared my boss from fraud."

"Donna, that evidence was buried on purpose by Hardman. Mike and I figured it out and went to Jessica," Harvey said.

"How do you know about that document and that Hardman set me up?"

"Why did he set you up?" Harvey asked dreading the answer.

"I'd rather not say," Donna cowered.

"He wanted you to sleep with him," Harvey said his jaw clenching at the thought of that sleaze touching his Donna.

"How do you know that?" Donna asked angrily. " The only other person who knew was Jessica. She fired me anyway for not coming to her when Hardman started to harass me. By the way, who's Mike? I know everyone in this firm and I do not know you pretty boy and I certainly don't know a Mike."

Rachel came alive and said, "Yes, I don't remember a Harvey Spector or a Mike Ross either."

Mike/Clarence piped up. "Calm down ladies. He's just a little lost right now. It's cool."

"Well, my credit card remembers a Harriet Specter and a Michelle Ross," Harvey stated jokingly.

"What?" the girls said together.

"Everyone calm down," Mike hollered at the assembly.

"Now, since you do not know what else would have happened had you never been born, I will tell you now," the angel Mike/Clarence said.

Rachel and Donna disappeared down the hall.

"Jessica and Hardman took the other partners over and renamed the firm Pearson Hardman. However, when Donna worked for Jessica, the issue arose of neglect with a car manufacturer and people who were not directly responsible lost their jobs and were prosecuted. Jessica represented the car manufacturer and won her case. Hardman wanted to promote Louis as a name partner as he was an outstanding lawyer, but Jessica was not sure what type of partner Louis would be. As you know now, Louis is not the best partner in history and his loyalty can be swayed by his emotions. Jessica put a stop against Hardman and to retaliate he lost Rachel, Donna, and almost Jessica their positions. Jessica was demoted back to senior partner and her position as a name partner-name only. "

"So, let me get this straight, because I had never worked here. Jessica lost her position, Louis' ego became overtly large, and Donna and Rachel became strippers?"

"Yes, Harvey. You were never born to help Jessica maintain her position and oust Hardman from the firm. You weren't here as a friend or rival for Louis. You weren't here to help Rachel pay for law school and Mike was not here to help her study for the LSATs. She never got into law school, Harvey! "

"What about Donna? She could have found work. She has a degree in Business Management that she earned in the last few months were worked at the DA's office. She was excellent as Portia in The Merchant of Venice. She never would have sunk that low no matter what her self-esteem," Harvey protested.

"Again, Harvey, you weren't here to encourage Donna's self-esteem so she could grow to be the person whom you fell in love with and depended upon to know you inside and out. Instead she lost her job, was never allowed to speak her mind and finally when she thought she was doing the right thing she was fired because it had been the last straw."

Harvey came up to Mike/Clarence and said, "Take me back. I don't want to see anymore. I want to go back and worry about my wife and my daughter. Hopefully Donna hasn't lost the new baby either. I want to go back to where you and Rachel are happy and employed and, where Jessica is the only one in this firm that outranks me. Can you do that?" Harvey asked with tears welling in his soft brown eyes.

"Please, Mike/Clarence, take me back….Harvey broke down in a whisper.


	5. Chapter 5 - MERRY CHRISTMAS

CHAPTER 5 – MERRY CHRISTMAS

"Please, please I need to know they are ok," Harvey pled with Mike/Clarence as he walked out of the office and down the hall.

After watching Mike leave, Harvey turned back to the window and cityscape with the twinkling Christmas lights. The cheerfulness of those lights mocked Harvey and his feelings of dread. As he continued to gaze out the window he picked up his glass of scotch he had abandoned about a couple of hours ago. At least that's what it felt like to Harvey's confused and boggled mind.

"So have you heard anything yet?"

"What are you talking about? I was never born remember?" Harvey said turning to see Mike had returned. However, this Mike was dressed in a more expensive, better fitting dark blue suit very different from the lighter more shabby gray suit he had worn on their escapade. He also had the decency to comb his hair.

"What are you talking about? Never been born? I don't know, but I was wondering if Donna's mother or sister called you about Donna and the baby," Mike asked concernedly walking up behind Harvey and taking the glass from Harvey. Mike held it up to his nose and wrinkled his nose.

"Old Scotch, buddy. Never drink alone."

Harvey said, "What do you know about Angel Mike/Clarence, whatever the hell…..? Hey, Mike?"

Harvey stared into those big baby blues of Mike's to understand that perhaps his nightmare was finally over.

"What time is it?" Harvey asked looking at his watch. It read 9:00 pm.

"Why?"

"Just tell me what is the time on your watch?," Harvey insisted.

"It says 9:00 pm. See." Mike turned his wrist around so Harvey could see the time.

Harvey strode swiftly to his desk where his laptop was still open. He inserted his password to get his screen backup and looked in the right corner of the screen. It read 9:01 pm 12/24/16.

Harvey then strode over to his office door and was so pleased to see his name etched in the door and his title as Senior Partner rather than Jessica's. He gently ran his hand across the engraving and smiled.

"Mike," Harvey said coming back over to him.

"Yes. What is it?"

"I'm married to Donna Paulsen, right? We have a daughter named Amanda Elizabeth. My brother is Marcus Specter and he lives in Boston with his wife and family and is a stockbroker at SmithBarney, right?"

"Yes, that's correct so far…Harvey, what's got into you?"

Harvey turned away from Mike and put on his jacket and said, "I'm back. Mike you are still engaged to Rachel and she is almost finished Columbia Law School, right?"

Harvey smiled and chuckled which Mike thought extremely strange because in all the years they worked together and all the highs and lows there had been Harvey _never_ chuckled to himself.

"Yes. Harvey, why the 20 questions? Did you have an attack of amnesia or something in the half hour I was gone."

Harvey just continued to smile and clapped Mike on the shoulder. Happily, Harvey responded, "Forget about it. I'm back. Do you have a minute to accompany me to the hospital?"

"Harvey they won't let you see them. It's way past visiting hours."

"I know that but I have to relieve my sister and mother-in-law. I want to be there if and when Donna wakes up."

"Sure, I'll just text Rachel and tell her I will be a little longer." Mike said as he reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone.

As Harvey and Mike departed from Harvey's office, he ran a hand down the wall of Donna's cubicle and picked up the family picture on her desk. The large copy hung above the fireplace at their home in West Chester. _Well, I guess we will have to update it when the new baby comes _Harvey thought. He also stopped to examine all the offices on the way to the elevator bank. He examined Jessica's office with her name and title of Managing Partner emblazoned on her door, Louis's office next to hers and then finally they arrived at the bank of elevators. On the center wall in big bold gold letters: PEARSON SPECTER LITT stretched across the width. Harvey fished his iPhone from his pocket and dialed Ray's number.

"Be there in five, boss," Ray had said from the other end.

"Thank you," Harvey said as he and Mike entered the elevator car. Harvey was grateful that Ray was Ray again, his driver, and not the man that the angel had said he was. A man who had never caught a break and was always down on his luck and bartending in some dive.

As they arrived at the bottom floor, Ray was just pulling up at the curb.

"To the hospital, Harvey?" Ray asked.

"Yes, Ray. Thank you for coming so quickly." Harvey could not help himself in asking the next question although he knew that his driver may just think him out of his mind. "Have you ever done any bartending, Ray?"

Ray looked in the rearview mirror and could just make out Harvey's expression from the fleeting light as they passed under the street lights.

"No, why do you ask?"

Harvey smiled and shook his head. "No reason. I was just curious."

"No problem, sir. How are Mrs. Specter and baby Amanda doing anyway?" Ray asked concerned. He knew although Harvey had said nothing that both his wife and daughter were not doing so well after the car accident.

"I don't really know yet, Ray, but I am tired of waiting for a call. That's why I'm going to find out. Thank you for asking."

_Harvey Specter is being polite_? It was not that Harvey did not respect Ray or had never appreciated Ray for being his driver. He took care of Ray with steady work, and Harvey had set up college funds for each of Ray's five children. When his daughter Nina got married last year, Harvey gave her a very large financial wedding present. It was just not in Harvey's nature to remember polite etiquette like please's and thank you's on a regular basis. Harvey assumed people knew when he was not concerned and concerned for those who mattered to him.

They arrived at the hospital where Mike and Harvey both got out of the car. Harvey told Ray that he could go home and that his car was still parked in the hospital parking garage. Harvey had forgotten about that so he would take Mike home or Mike said he would catch a cab.

Harvey and Mike said their good nights and ventured into the hospital. They immediately went to pediatric intensive care where Harvey saw his mother-in-law slumped over on a bench right outside the multi-patient room.

"Mom?" Harvey said gently as he nudged Roberta Paulsen's shoulder.

"Harvey, Mike." Roberta said smiling up at both handsome men who had addressed her.

"Mrs. Paulsen," Mike acknowledged back.

"I was trying to reach you. The doctor said that Amanda's fever broke and she's awake. She started to cry looking for you and Donna but I was able to hold her for a little bit. They kicked me out when she went back to sleep. She's still has an oxygen tube in her nose to help her breathe."

Harvey's eyes began to tear as he helped his mother-in-law to her feet.

"How long ago did you try to contact me?"

"Only about 10 minutes ago, they wanted me to tell you that as soon as you were here you could go in and see her."

When Harvey went to step past his mother-in-law, he kissed her forehead and she said, "Don't wake her up though. She still needs lots of rest."

"Have you heard any news on how Donna's doing, Mrs. Paulsen," Mike asked as Harvey seemed to overwhelmed with the news of his daughter.

"No. Julia was here just a minute ago and said she was going back down there to check on her. Now that you're here, I'm going to go back to where Donna's room is."

Mrs. Paulsen seemed to trudge off near the elevators, but before he got there she put a hand against Mike's cheek and said to him, "Take care of Harvey. He's a good guy. He hates to show how much he is hurting, but he is."

Mike smiled and said, "I know. I'll bring him down to see Donna in a few."

"Thank you."

Harvey entered the room where cheerful pictures of Santa Claus and a tiny lit Christmas tree sat in the corner trying to lend some Christmas spirit to an otherwise scary place for little children. A scary place for anyone Harvey thought considering some of the reasons he himself had been in a hospital. Blessed with good health and largely a good constitution the only times Harvey had been in the hospital was during an accident or the time he had damaged his arm in the Harvard Baseball Championship Game.

At the thought of that game where he had overpitched his arm to numbness, Harvey's shoulder began to ache. He was very reassured that he had come back to reality now even before he had seen the baby lying with her big brown eyes wide awake looking around.

"Amanda, baby, daddy's here," Harvey said looking down into the crib and taking her little chubby hand in his. She was pink again and no longer blue. At the sight of her daddy, the baby began to kick and get excited. Amanda Specter absolutely knew whose voice that was. She got so excited she sneezed out her oxygen line out of her nose and started to fuzz quietly.

Harvey picked her up and carried her to the rocking chair which stood against the wall heater of the hospital just under the window. Pulling the chair out from under the window where he was afraid of a draft, he began to speak quietly. The other child in the room was a little older and his mother was asleep in the chair next to the bed.

Harvey kissed her little red haired head and said, "This wasn't exactly how we wanted to spend our first Christmas with you, but you are here and getting better all the time. In a little bit I'm going to see your mommy and see if she's knows how much better you're doing. And you know what, squirt, this time next year you're going to be a big sister."

He stood up with her and showed her the city lights.

"See that building over there," Harvey pointed to a skyscraper standing above the rest a little distance away. "that's where mommy and daddy work. I hope someday you will work there, too. When we take you home you can see all the presents that Santa's bringing you tonight. "

He rocked her gently as she started to fuss and then she settled in her daddy's arms as Harvey once again sat in the rocking chair. He could feel that Amanda sensed peace and knew that she was loved which was all Harvey ever wanted his child to feel.

"Mr. Specter?" Amanda's night nurse whispered to him. "Let me put her back into bed and hook her back up to the oxygen. "

Harvey almost did not want to release her feeling peace himself in holding her little body close to his. He decided he wanted to see Donna and give her the good news about Amanda. He kissed her little sleeping head and handed her back to the nurse who did need to check her anyway.

After the short examination which Amanda slept through, her nurse said, "She's doing so much better. Her temperature is normal and her heart isn't racing like it was when she was fighting. She is also breathing so much better as well. So you can take your wife the good news, Mr. Specter."

"Thank you. I will."

"By the way, Merry Christmas…well almost," the night nurse said as she accompanied Harvey out the door.

"Listen, Mr. Specter, I know you didn't want to before, but we have a cot we can roll in to the room and you can stay with Amanda if you want to relieve her grandmother."

Harvey looked at Mike who said, "Don't worry about me man. I can get home. Stay. This is where your family is right now and they need you."

"Yes, that would be great. Thank you so much. I'm just going to check on my wife. I'll be back soon."

Amanda's night nurse, Evelyn, written on her ID badge said, "take your time. I need to move the cot into the room anyway."

Part 2 – The Best Gift

"Harvey." Donna murmured sleepily.

"Right here, sweetheart," Harvey said holding Donna's hand. He was so happy to see she was awake. When Harvey arrived on Donna's floor, no one was around. There was no Julia, Roberta or Mike; however, there was Nina, Ray's daughter.

"Mr. Specter, I suppose you're wondering what happened to everybody. I convinced them to go to the cafeteria. I said that I would take you in to see Mrs. Specter," Nina had smiled and said as she saw Harvey approach the Nurses' Station.

Harvey was so happy to see Nina he almost burst his shirt buttons. Somehow this night was the strangest Christmas Eve he had ever spent; however, he was so glad to see that Nina was still Nina. The oldest of Ray's five children and the first one Harvey insisted on putting through college and nursing school.

"How's your husband, Nina?" Harvey thought to ask just to confirm that he was not involved in gang warfare and was still alive.

"Howard is a UPS driver. He's been very busy. You know this time of year with extra shipments. He is just great, though. We are very happy. I want to thank you again, Mr. Specter what you did for us."

"Forget about it," Harvey lowered his head. "Can I see my wife now?"

"Oh, yes, of course," Nina said as she accompanied him through to the Intensive Care Unit. "Just stay a minute or two….by the way. Merry Christmas, Mr. Specter."

"The same to you. You can call me Harvey you know," Harvey said. He felt really old when people especially younger people called him "Mr. Specter."

"Someday, Mr. Specter, if that's okay with you." Nina said truthfully.

"Someday, then, Merry Christmas to you, too," Harvey said as he sat down next to Donna and took her hand in his.

Donna looked over at Harvey's scruffy face as his nightly beard started to emerge.

"How long have I been here?"

"A couple of days. Do you remember the accident?" Harvey asked.

"Yes, I was rushing Amanda to the doctor's when this driver came out of nowhere and slammed into me. Did they get the guy?"

"Yes, he was very cooperative for the police. It was a pure accident. No maliciousness whatsoever."

Suddenly, panicking for her child, Donna asked Harvey grasping his hand tightly in hers," Where's Amanda? Is she ok?"

Harvey sat on the bed next to his wife and looked into her eyes, "She got banged up like you and she had pneumonia that's why she was having trouble breathing. I just saw her, though, and she was awake and knew me and breathing a little easier. Did you know she was allergic to antibiotics?"

"No, I suppose I should have. I am the child's mother, and I'm Donna. How did you know?"

"Her pediatrician told me when I got to the hospital after I got the call that you two were here. Have you seen your mom and sister yet?" Harvey asked kissing her hand and holding it against his cheek where he could feel her response. She was weak but underneath he knew she was still Donna. Strong, smart, and sassy. Not someone who at the end of her rope would chuck it all and start stripping for a living.

"Yes, mom and Julia stepped in to say hi and then told me you were here and that they were going back to the condo to pack. I was surprised you let them stay there. I know how you like your privacy."

Harvey smiled, "Well, that was before, they were my family, too."

A few minutes clicked by as Harvey put his forehead against Donna's and they just sighed and breathed together. Then Harvey decided to broach a subject which had not come up in their happiness of confirming their little family was alive and well.

"Donna?"

"Yes, Harvey?"

"When were you going to tell me about the baby?"

"What baby? You knew Amanda was sick…"

It dawned on Harvey that maybe Donna had not known she was pregnant before she had gotten in the car and had the accident. Donna was pretty good at subterfuge when she wanted to be, but he knew her as well as she knew him so hiding some things could be difficult. However, looking at her face, he was almost 100 percent sure that Donna had not learned she was pregnant before the accident. He had not noticed and she had not complained of any symptoms like she had the first time.

"You're pregnant, again. You're telling me you didn't know?"

"I'm what, now? Ow…" Donna sat up in bed almost ripping the IV out of her arm. The BP monitor almost went off and the heart monitor almost started beeping wildly with the effort.

"Take it easy, honey," Harvey said trying to restrain her from any sudden movement which would have the night nurse come running to separate them.

"We're having another baby," Harvey smilingly whispered when he had calmed Donna. He could not believe he had finally one-upped his wife.

"No, that's not possible…well, it is possible," Donna said smirking at her husband. "How did you find out?"

"They told me they had to run a pregnancy test before they could treat your kidney infection. Dr. Baker was consulted and wanted to make sure that your bumps and bruises and your broken collarbone didn't hurt the baby-our new baby."

"Oh, Harvey, I'm sorry," Donna said.

"Sorry about what. This is about the best Christmas present I could ever receive. My wife and child on the road to recovery and a new baby-maybe a son this time-to wrap it all up in a nice green and red package with a bow.

"Harvey Specter, a believer in Christmas, wow what a turnaround. Most years I couldn't pry you out of that office to call your brother."

Harvey rose from his seat on the bed and kissed Donna on her lips which had been dried out from illness and the straight oxygen she had been breathing. Also one side of her face was bruised a myriad palette of blacks, blues, and purples from the deployed airbag when it went off during the accident. Harvey did not care one bit. To him kissing Donna no matter what condition her lips was one of life's greatest pleasures and privileges reserved for him alone.

"Merry Christmas, Harvey," Donna said as she glanced at his watch. It read 12:00 AM.

"Merry Christmas, Darling," Harvey said quietly almost a whisper so overcome by emotion was he and kissed her again. "Now I have to leave. I'm sleeping on a cot in Amanda's room so your mom and Julia can go home.

"Ok, I'll see you in the morning." Donna whispered back slowly releasing her grip on Harvey's hand.

Before completely leaving her side, Harvey turned around and facing Donna asked quietly.

"Oh, Donna, promise me, you won't strip and sing "Santa Baby" for anyone else but me and me alone, ok?"

Donna looked at her husband like he was off his rocker. She shook her head slightly .

"Okay…why?" She asked because stripping and singing for anyone let alone Harvey was the last thing on her mind.

"Oh, no reason," Harvey just smiled, chuckled, and left the room.

Back at home after spending the night in the hospital lying on a cot next to his baby daughter, Harvey hung the last ornament on the Christmas tree they had intended finishing together the night of the accident. Harvey had finally gone home to West Chester for a goodnight's sleep now that his family was out of immediate danger. It was late on December 25th and it was to be their first Christmas with Amanda, and it had not turned out quite what he had anticipated. Roberta and Julia had left just a few minutes ago on their way back to Connecticut leaving their presents under the tree for the three of them accept for Amanda's activity table in the corner of the room.

After placing the star on top of the tree and turning on the twinkling lights, Harvey realized he had not had a personal Christmas tree in years. He never cared before. He worked through Christmas and New Years' most years. His brother would invite him for Christmas dinner and Harvey would go for that and then drive immediately back to New York. He stepped back from the tree and put on one of his father's old recordings. It was a Christmas album and Gordon Specter had played a cover of the old Carpenters' Christmas tune: _Merry Christmas, Darling_. In a baritone voice he had not used in years, Harvey began to sing the lyrics quietly and knew that in a couple of days he, Donna, and Amanda would have their own Christmas celebration.


End file.
